Bad Timing, Worse Circumstances
by Elenillor
Summary: Future RS. Set just after the Snape incident, Sirius lets slip his feelings for Remus. On top of gaining Remus' affections, he must now also regain his trust.
1. Consequences

Remus lay on the floor of the shack for a long time before he could force himself to get up and move. He would have lain there for well into the day, except that he needed to get into the infirmary before anyone else woke up. As it was, the sun still had not risen.

He was shivering, naked, and alone. And bloody. More so than usual. He realized this when he lifted his hand to wipe the hair out of his eyes, and his vision became blurred and. . . red.

He knew why. He had had no one and nothing to take his aggression out on, nothing to distract him, so he had taken it out on himself. Just like when he was little. What he didn't know is why none of the Marauders had come with him the night before. It was the first full moon since they had become animagi that they hadn't come.

He rolled over, and groaned at the pain that this caused. He ached and the various marks on his body stung. Moving slowly, he gingerly got dressed, and walked slowly to the door.

He stopped and took a breath, resting against the door for a moment. It was torn to shreds, and Remus winced, wondering what had enticed him to get out. It explained the deep gashes on his sides, anyway, where the wolf must have squeezed through the opening.

Getting back to the castle was going be difficult.

Madam Pomfrey met him at the willow, for which he was thankful. She usually didn't come anymore, unless he took a particularly long time, because James, Peter, and Sirius always brought him to her. He thought nothing of her early arrival.

"Good morning dear," she greeted him, her voice soft and sad.

Remus allowed her to wrap an arm around him in support. He leaned heavily against her on the way to the infirmary, and by the time she had closed the curtain around his bed, he wanted to pass out.

"All right, Mr. Lupin, let's see the damage," she said kindly, waiting for Remus to unbutton his shirt. This frustrated Remus slightly, as it had taken him the better part of 10 minutes to button it up earlier. Madam Pomfrey knew better than to try and help the boy. Remus was always easily agitated the morning after a full moon, always trying to convince her that he was fine and fully capable of doing, well, human things.

When he finally shrugged himself out of the shirt, Madam Pomfrey raised an eyebrow, surveying the extent of the wounds, and then looked back to Remus. She sighed as the young man winced, the air hit the wounds that would soon turn into fresh scars. Madam Pomfrey began cleaning Remus up, applying salves and giving him various potions.

"If the boys come, shall I let them in?"

Remus nodded, waiting for her to leave before he finally closed his eyes and tried to let sleep envelope him.

James and Peter came into the hospital wing the second Dumbledore let them out of his office. Sirius and Snape were still there, as James imagined they would be for some time.

They came up to Remus' bed slowly, Peter looking everywhere but at Remus, and James to worried to look anywhere else. Remus was badly beaten from the night. Once Moony realized Snape had gotten away, unscathed, he had probably turned on himself in frustration, and the results would leave Remus hurting for a long time, in more ways than one.

"All right, Remus?" James asked cautiously.

Remus opened his eyes, ready to answer yes, even though he wasn't, when the look on his friends' faces told him something was wrong. It was a look that said they needed to talk about something… it was the same look he had gotten when they confronted him about his lycanthropy in third year. Peter looked nervous, unsure of what to do, James looked like he was taking charge, but he wanted to be sure he handled the situation correctly. The only face missing was…

"Oh God, I hurt Sirius," he breathed, causing both of his friends to look at him, stunned.

"No!" James said quickly. "Sirius isn't hurt. No one's hurt."

"Then why isn't he here?"

James and Peter exchanged glances before James looked back to Remus. "He's in Dumbledore's office. Something happened last night."

Remus' eyes were flashing yellow; he was panicking, close to losing control. It happened sometimes when he was angry, too. "What happened?" he whispered, scared to hear the answer.

"No one was hurt," Peter said, piping up for the first time.

James nodded. "Sirius and Snape got into a fight, about you, and Sirius…" James closed his eyes, unable to watch Remus for a reaction to what he was about to reveal. Peter, however, kept his eyes on their friend. "Sirius told him how to get to the shack."

This statement was met with total silence. James finally opened his eyes, for a second wondering if Remus had even heard him. The pained, betrayed expression in the werewolf's eyes told James he had been heard.

"Snape's okay?"

James and Peter nodded.

"He knows?"

They nodded again, this time with a little less enthusiasm.

"Were you two in on this? Did you know?" Remus asked, suddenly angry, because he might have just lost everything.

"No!" James and Peter both answered, vehemently. James continued. "Why would we do something so stupid? We have a pact…" he glanced at Peter. Remus didn't know about this pact, but there was no sense keeping it from him. "We had a pact to protect you, both from hurting yourself and from anyone finding out. Sirius lost his head when they were in that argument."

"How did Snape get out?"

James didn't want to answer that question, and when Peter realized this, he spoke up again. "Sirius came running into the room, telling us he made a terribly mistake. I ran to get Dumbledore, and James ran after Snape."

Remus looked at the bespectacled boy, as if asking for confirmation. James nodded.

"I could have killed you, James."

"But you didn't," James countered. "No one was hurt, no one was killed."

Remus took a deep breath, trying to battle the rage and the hurt he was feeling. Six years of a well kept secret, and it was all over now. There was no way Snape was going to keep this quiet. "I guess I'll be packing my things when I get back to the dorms, then."

"Don't say that," Peter begged him, and James looked at him, speaking gently.

"Let's wait and see what Dumbledore has to say, okay?"

Remus sighed. "It doesn't matter what Dumbledore says, James. Snape will never keep this to himself. It's just the leverage he needs against all of us, that he's been looking for since first year. Once students' parents find out, I'll have to leave." He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. He felt sick. "I can't believe this," he whispered.

"We can keep him quiet, we can," James promised Remus, suddenly more scared that he'd ever been. "He won't say anything, not as long as I'm around."

Sirius peered in the doorway, hopefully out of sight. He felt worse then he ever had before, and he was scared. Remus looked terrible, and it was his fault.

"Dumbledore's not going to kick you out," he stated, quietly, barely coming into the room all the way. "Snape promised to keep quiet, and Dumbledore says you'll be staying."

James had leapt to his feet, as if waiting for a cue from Remus to send the boy reeling. Remus looked at the boy, his best friend, aside from James and Peter, and his ultimate betrayer. He wanted to hurt him, to make him feel just a small bit of the pain he was feeling. He wanted to hug him, grateful that he hadn't been hurt.

Quietly, Remus asked, "Are you okay, Sirius?"

Sirius nodded. "Are you?" He knew it was a stupid question. Remus looked terrible and probably felt worse. Really, he was just biding his time until Remus started yelling at him. Because if he were Remus, he would be yelling a lot.

"Is Snape okay?" Remus knew he was, but he needed to hear Sirius say it, needed him to feel guilty about what he had done.

Sirius looked up, his eyes wide. "He's fine. He's… he's fine. Remus, I am so sorry. I screwed up really bad this time."

"Stop, Sirius," Remus interrupted. "I don't want your apologies."

Sirius sighed. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, of course not. I think there are a couple of Slytherins in the hall you might want me to murder for you, first," Remus threw this at Sirius a little bitterly. Sirius deserved it.

Sirius fell back against the doorway, his eyes fixed on the ground. He couldn't bear looking at the boy he almost destroyed. "I didn't want you to kill him. I didn't want you involved at all. Merlin, Remus… I never wanted you to be involved in anything stupid like the rivalry between me and Snape. Is that what you think? That I did this on purpose?"

Remus didn't exactly want to have this confrontation in the hospital wing, but it looked like it couldn't be avoided. "Yes! Yes, I believe that you did it on purpose. Why else would you send him to the Shack, of all places, and on a full moon?"

"I forgot it was a full moon," Sirius said quietly.

"That's a lie!" James said angrily. "The whole goal was to get Snape to see what Rem was. You never forget a full moon."

Remus moved his body so that he was sitting up, his legs over the side of the bed, and then eased himself onto his feet, advancing on Sirius. "Do you have any idea what you've done, Sirius?"

Sirius stood up straight, arms crossed against his chest.

"No, Remus. I'm blind, deaf, and have been under a rock for the past few hours. I have no clue what I've done. Besides almost ruin two lives, I've pretty much ruined everything we've worked six years to hide. I'm pretty sure I just screwed up my chances with you, pretty sure both James and Peter now hate me as well, and hey, let's add that I nearly sent someone to their death, and that I almost made you a murderer. Did I miss anything?"

"No, Sirius," Remus said, gritting his teeth, so angry that he missed the remark about Sirius' chances with him. Just as well, as Sirius had not meant to say it. James heard it, though. "You have no right to be angry at me for this."

Sirius practically growled. "Get back in bed, Remus. You'll make yourself sick."

"Do _not_ tell me what to, Sirius!" He growled in back, frustrated. He didn't know what to say. Maybe nothing could be said. He turned around, ready to storm back to his bed anyway, but changed his mind. If he didn't say any of this now, he never would, and as passive aggressive as he was, he deserved to get this out.

"You never think before you act, Sirius. And you just took it too far this time. Had James not intervened, and Snape found me, I would have been forced out of the school. Dumbledore would have lost his job. You may very well have been kicked out of the school as well. I would have killed Snape, Sirius. I would have killed a boy!"

He clenched his jaw and turned away from Sirius, trying hard not to keep going, but he couldn't help it. He was so angry at Sirius. He was angry at himself too, for being so close to tears over this. His anger was enough to make him forget how sore and tired he still was, even. "You betrayed me, do you understand that? You betrayed my trust in you! What did you think I was going to do to him? Go up and lick him? Merlin, Sirius. What you did was thoughtless, careless, and selfish. I can't even fathom what in your mind justified what you did! I could have killed him! I would have never forgiven you for that." He knew his words were harsh, but if James hadn't stepped in, so much would have been lost.

"The next time you decide to try and kill someone, don't use me as your murder weapon!" He forced himself to stop the train of thought that followed this, mostly about Sirius having objectified him, turning him into something completely inhuman, a means to an end. As much as he would love to go off on that tangent, it was the most hurtful part of all of this, and therefore, the part he would always keep to himself.

He turned to leave, but his mind exploded with even more he needed to say. "You had better hope that Snape decides to keep quiet anyway. I don't know how well Dumbledore will be able to bribe him into keeping it a secret. If he tells anyone, I'm gone as soon as parents' owls start flying in. At best, he keeps it to himself, and has something to hold over my head and torment me with for the next year and a half. Not to mention if he talks to anyone in the Ministry. Do you know what they do to werewolves who even remotely attack a human? Do you?"

Sirius shrank away, not answering the question because he knew Remus didn't want an answer. He never meant for it to go this far, and he never even considered the kind of punishment Remus might get for his stupid prank.

"They KILL them, Sirius! Not only might you have made me a murderer, you could have gotten front row seats to my execution. I believe I'm entitled to a couple of days of anger and general brooding towards you."

Sirius couldn't respond to that. He really hadn't meant to hurt anyone. He never thought Snape would actually go in the first place! Mostly, Remus had put a terrible image in his mind. He saw Remus' getting shot with a silver bullet, Ministry officials all around, when it was Sirius who was to blame.

He sighed, his arms falling to his sides. "I'm leaving now. And if you never want to talk to me again, I'll understand. But I'm leaving now before I do something stupid, because that's all I can do, isn't it? Stupid, moronic, idiotic things. I wish you'd never met me. Then maybe this wouldn't happened." He was gone in an instant, not even giving Remus time to respond. When he was out of the hospital wing and around the corner, he sank against the wall and let out a sharp sob.

The weight of the world fell on Remus' shoulders then, and his knees gave out. He fell to floor, sitting and trying not to feel so much, because there was nothing else he could do.

Without saying a word, James moved to Remus and pulled him back to his feet, holding him in a gentle hug, mindful of the injuries on his body. He had tried to be quiet during Remus' argument with Sirius. It was between them, after all.

Remus didn't protest when James pulled him up and into a hug. In fact, it was all he needed to finally let go.

He cried.

"I don't know what to do, James. I just. . . I don't even know what to think."

It was true, too. For a boy who depended a great deal on logic, he was lost. His body hurt, he was tired, he was scared. Scared that the Ministry would find out, that Snape would tell everyone, expose him for what he really was, scared that he would have to leave, of having to tell his parents what had happened, scared that he would never see James and Peter or Lily again. And he was scared that he had already lost Sirius.

It wasn't fair. He was the one who was supposed to be able to walk away from Sirius for this, not the other way around.

James let him cry it out. He knew how Remus' mind worked, and how the fears and the worries must be affecting the werewolf.

"Remus," he said softly, looking down slightly at his friend, "right now, don't think, just at least know everyone is safe. Peter and I will fight for you. It's going to be all right."

"I'm so sorry James."

"You are the last one that needs to apologize, Remus."

Peter nodded in agreement. "It's okay to break down, sometimes, Rem."

"I feel guilty for hating him for much."

"We all sort of hate him right now," Peter replied, running his fingers through his hair.

But he loves you, James thought, and added it to the mental list of things he needed to talk to Sirius about.

Peter and James stayed in the hospital wing until Remus finally fell asleep, and then they shared a glance that said Sirius was about to really get it.


	2. Why Moony?

**_I forgot to mention in Chapter 1 that a bit of it was cowritten with Angel Reid Tobias Dominick… just chapter 1, the rest is mine. But go look for his fics… they're amazing. Also, thank you to Anno for the very nice review! (Well, thank you to all of you, naturally, but I couldn't personally respond to Anno. like the rest of you)._**

* * *

James waited in the hospital wing until Remus had fallen into a potion-induced sleep, because he couldn't sleep otherwise. When the werewolf's breath evened, he told Peter to stay with him, in case something happened, and he made his way back to the dorm room.

"I don't want to talk," Sirius told him the instant the door opened. "I am well aware of what an idiot I am."

James sighed and closed the door behind him. Sirius was lying on his bed, facing away from James. Even still, he could tell the boy was crying. As if it wasn't evident in his voice, he could see small tremors running through his body.

"This is the second time I've ever seen you cry, Pads."

"Shut it," Sirius snapped, rolling onto his back and then sitting up. His eyes were red. "I told you, I don't want to talk."

"Yes, well, I'm sure Remus didn't want Snape to find out about his furry little problem, either. We can't all get what we want."

Sirius flinched at this. "How is he?" James suspected the question was to change the subject of the conversation away from him, but it wasn't true. Sirius was genuinely worried. If Remus was hurt at all, it was Sirius' fault, and hurting Remus was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

"He's beat up pretty good, but he'll heal. Physically, at least. Sirius-"

"I don't know what I was thinking," Sirius said, answering the question he hadn't given James time to ask.

"You weren't thinking," James corrected. "You never do. But I want to know why you did it. Why did you use this against Snape, instead of anything else?"

"I told you, we were fighting, and he was saying right nasty things."

James shook his head. "I don't buy that. Snape always says nasty things, and you've never betrayed one of us to get back at him. Why Moony?"

"It was the first thing that came to mind."

"No it wasn't. Why Moony?" James was pushing him. He wanted to know the truth. He felt like he deserved to know the truth. Remus had been betrayed worst of all, but in a small way, so had he and Peter.

"It was going to get him off my back."

"Why _Moony_?"

"Because Snape was threatening Remus!"

"What?"

Sirius almost growled, a habit he picked up from his canine counterpart. "He kept badgering me about where Remus disappears to every month, and I wouldn't tell him, and then he started calling Remus names, and I threatened him if he didn't shut up, and then he said he'd make Remus so ashamed of his secrets, ashamed of who he is. And I know Rem would never stick up for himself, but Moony would… and it just came out."

Tears were running down Sirius' cheeks again, because he knew what he had done was wrong. He knew things would never be the same between the four of them again, and he knew he had lost everything that meant anything to him.

James was silent. He understand how frustrating Snape was, and how easy it was just to say shit off the top of his head where the Slytherin was concerned, but he still couldn't quite understand what had made Sirius do this.

"Is that all?"

"Yes."

"Stop lying to me, Sirius," James said, angrily. "I can't help you fix this if you won't be honest."

"I'm not lying!"

James raised his eyebrows. "So this didn't have anything to do with your infatuation with Remus?"

Sirius' jaw dropped. "I don't… have an infatuation."

"I heard what you said in the hospital wing! About ruining your chances with him? _Why Moony_?" James asked again.

"Because Snape said he'd turn Rem into a filthy whore for him!"

Suddenly, James understood. Not everything, of course. He had more questions now than he'd started with, but at least he understood. "You wanted him to know what Rem could turn him into."

Sirius nodded, his eyes falling to his hands in his lap.

"Remus is going to want to know why."

"I know," Sirius answered, his eyes shifting again, this time to the window. It was sunny outside, maybe even warm. It didn't seem fair that it could be such a nice day out when so many lives had come so close to being ruined.

"I wouldn't tell him."

Sirius laughed mirthlessly. "I hadn't planned on it. Besides, I don't think he's ever going to give me the opportunity to explain."

"Well, not for a while," James agreed. "But Remus has never not forgiven you. And you've done some outrageous things. How long have you had feelings for him?"

Sirius finally looked back at James, assessing him to see if he had a problem with his feelings for Remus. James didn't seem to care one way or the other. "Since forever, practically. I knew for sure the first time in fourth year. But it doesn't matter now. Nothing matters now, James."

"It matters," James responded. "Look, I'm mad at you. Peter's mad at you. And we will be for a long time. But you're still my best mate, no matter what, and I am going to help you fix this."

"It can't be fixed."

James shook his head again. "What, Rem means so little to you that you're not even going to try? If we're mad, he's livid and outraged. And he probably won't trust you for a long time, and you can't blame him for that. But he'll forgive you, eventually, if you prove to him you're worthy of it. And you are."

Sirius nodded, though he didn't believe it. "Thank you, James."

James shrugged. "I'm going back to check on Remus. I'll let you know how he is."

Sirius said thank you again, and watched as James left. He was alone again, and he didn't want to be. He had no choice but to think about what had happened when he was alone. He lost his head in his anger, and the consequences had been almost deadly. He vowed never to do it again, and that left him feeling jealous of James for being able to check on Remus.

He wanted to say he was sorry, and have Remus believe it.


	3. The Next Full Moon

The news, or at least part of it, had spread through the school like wildfire: Remus wasn't talking to Sirius. Only Dumbledore, the four Marauders, and one greasy haired Slytherin knew why. The rest of the student body just knew that something was terribly wrong, had been for nearly four weeks, and showed no signs of getting better.

James and Peter, while splitting their time between Sirius and Remus (James would sit with Remus and Peter would sit with Sirius in one class, then they would switch) were also acting as barriers to Sirius. Anytime Sirius worked up the resolve to apologize yet again, James or Peter would step in and gently tell him that Remus wanted nothing to do with him. Peter always looked a bit angry when he said it. James, at least, looked apologetic about having to turn Sirius away, and would occasionally promise that it would get better. Sirius was having his doubts.

Theories were circulating the school about what was going on. Some thought it was an elaborate plot that was going to lead to a wicked prank, others correctly assumed something bad had happened. There wasn't a student in the school who didn't have thoughts about it, and even Lily had her suspicions. Remus was her friend, after all, and he wasn't telling her anything.

In fact, the already quiet Gryffindor Prefect had grown practically silent since it had happened. Most of the time, he was lost in his own thoughts, and he didn't want to be bothered by everyone asking him what was going on. It wasn't their business to know, and it irritated him that they even asked.

Sirius had also grown mysteriously quiet, and this was what worried most of the students. No matter what the reason, the two of them avoiding each other meant trouble.

Sirius was shocked, then, when he looked up from a game of Exploding Snap with James to see Remus looking at him. James looked up too, ready to get to his feet and stop a fight. Remus' eyes met his, and he nodded, even if he didn't relax.

"Right," he said. "I'll just leave you two to it, then." He got to his feet, giving Remus a worried look, but was up the stairs and gone just the same.

Sirius was silent, unmoving, and barely breathing. Merlin knew if he said the wrong thing, Remus would be gone in an instant. But this was the first time he'd been anywhere near Remus since It happened, and he didn't want to lose the feeling it gave him, like maybe there was hope for him still.

"I need to talk to you," Remus said simply, not moving to sit down. This told Sirius that the conversation, in Remus' mind, was going to be short and to the point.

"Rem, I am so sorry for what I did, and I know apologies will never make up for it, but please let me try and make it up to you-"

"Sirius, just listen to me-"

"No!" Sirius said vehemently, but he softened immediately when Remus flinched. "I'm sorry, just please hear me out. I know what I did was wrong, and I don't blame you for not trusting me-"

"Sirius, be quiet-"

"But if you'll just let me try and show you how sorry I am-"

"Listen to me, Sirius, I-"

"I swear I'll make it up to you, somehow, and-"

Remus, frustrated, raised his voice and said what he came to say over Sirius' apologies. "I don't want you at the shack tomorrow."

Sirius fell silent, mid sentence, and he swore in that moment that his heart shattered. Hearing Remus tell him not to go to the shack was like being told it was over, for good. "If that's what you want," he replied, trying not to sound broken. "But you know that Padfoot is better at keeping Moony calm than James or Pete."

"Moony would hurt you," Remus answered, glancing around the common room to be sure no one was listening. "That, and you lost your right to be there."

That hurt, and Sirius couldn't say that he didn't deserve it. He couldn't bring himself to tell Remus he needed to be there, that Remus needed him to be there. It wasn't true anymore. He wanted to be there more than anything, and he knew he would spend the night awake, wondering how Remus was doing, and jealous of James and Peter because they could still protect his Remus.

Remus raised his eyebrows, and Sirius realized he had wandered off into his own world. "Okay, I won't go. If that's what you want."

"It is," Remus said, giving Sirius a good, long, hard stare before simply walking away. Sirius wished it could be that easy for him.

Once again, he found himself alone and feeling miserable.


	4. A Long Night

**I'm so sorry this took forever, guys! I'll try and get the next one up really soon, and I'll be responding to all your reviews pretty quick too. Thanks for your patience!**

* * *

Valentine's day… Most people were celebrating. There might have been some kind of celebration in the Great Hall, but Remus was too tired and too adverse to open proclamations of love to bother attending. Instead, he was sitting on the tattered bed in the shack, waiting for the moon to set. He watched through the cracks of the boarded windows as the sky faded from a glorious and fittingly pink to twilight and melancholy blue. He still had an hour or two before the moon rose, and he was content to spend them in silence.

Sirius was sitting on his own bed in the dorm room, equally adverse to Valentine's Day. It was a stupid holiday, really. Right now, he knew Remus was sitting in the shack. The four of them were all separately hating the holiday, he was sure. James would be pacing outside the door of that room in the shack, waiting for the transformation to end (Padfoot was the only one who stayed in the room while Remus transformed). Peter alone was attending the celebration in the Great Hall.

Sirius was angry with him for this, too. Peter still had the choice of being with Remus and he had decided against going. Too scared without Sirius there was his reason. It killed Sirius. He was stuck in the dorms, wanting more than anything to be there tonight, and he couldn't. Who the hell did Pete think he was?

He picked up the nearest thing to him, a text book, probably Remus', and threw it as hard as he could. It slammed against the wall near the door.

"Hey, be careful. That could have taken my head off."

"What are you doing here?"

James came into the room, his satchel slung over his shoulder. "Putting my books away?"

"Remus is alone?"

The bespectacled boy rolled his eyes. "I'm heading down there right now. I still have plenty of time." He paused, looking at his bed for a moment before turning his gaze to Sirius. "You're not the only one who is capable of protecting him, Pads."

"I didn't mean that."

James laughed once, mirthlessly. "Of course not. You never mean anything. But you still hurt people."

Sirius couldn't respond to that. The Black in him told him he should be angry at James for saying something like that, angry at Remus for banning him from the Shack, angry at Snape for getting them all into this situation… but he wasn't angry at all. What James said was undeniably true.

James nodded and took off his tie, throwing it on his bed before walking past Sirius and towards the door. "Happy Valentines Day."

"James-"

The door shut harshly, and Sirius could hear James' footsteps receding. Sirius' eyes turned back to the window, waiting for the moon to make its slow journey across the night sky.

* * *

James sat against the door to the room Remus was in, his head on his knees as he waited. It killed him that Remus was in there alone, even if he knew James was right outside. Every month since third year at school, Sirius had been there, next to him through every step of the transformation. Remus could deal with this alone, James knew, but it had to be so hard.

His eyes clenched shut when the screams started. Remus was trying to be quiet, but the pain was probably too much. James wished Sirius was here. Sirius understood this process, far better than James or Pete did, and Sirius had a way of quieting their friend's screams.

When the screams turned into howls, James quickly got to his feet and opened the door, transforming into Prongs before Moony could even get a whiff of human.

The wolf looked at him and bared his teeth, a low growl in his throat, but he made no advances forward. Moony knew something was wrong, that someone had wronged him, and that someone needed to pay. Both the wolf and the stag knew it was going to be an awfully long night.

* * *

It had only been an hour of the wolf pacing, and sometimes lunging, and Prongs patiently dealing with it, before he heard a long growl from the wolf. He thought the growling had ended when Moony first transformed, but a second growl and a bark made him turn his head to see what the wolf was growling at.

There, in the doorway, was a very familiar large, black dog. The stag bucked its head almost angrily, but Padfoot gave him such a pathetic, pleading look that he couldn't say no.

Moony had no problem saying no, however. In the three seconds that Prongs had looked away, Moony had jumped and lunged right for Padfoot's throat. The dog yelped as he was slammed onto the floor with fangs gripping his neck harshly, but not breaking skin. His front paws pushed against Moony, which only caused the wolf to bite harder. Prongs could do nothing.

Finally, Sirius let his canine instincts kick in and he stopped struggling against Moony. That seemed to be the right thing to do, because Moony growled and released him. Prongs only noted with a sigh of relief that it was going to be a very long night.

* * *

Sirius rushed back to the dorms before Moony transformed back into Remus. He wouldn't risk being caught; he knew how angry Remus would be.

In the pre-dawn light, Sirius stood in the bathroom, examining his body in the mirror. Moony had certainly taken out his anger on Padfoot. He was bleeding in several places, and there were two parallel rows of round bruises on his neck… where Moony had taken a hold of him early in the night.

He sighed, setting to cleaning himself up. He had gotten good at it, since he couldn't go to Madam Pomfrey. She would just ask questions he couldn't answer.

"Are you out of your mind?" a voice hissed from the doorway.

Sirius looked over. James was standing there, looking positively irate. "I'm coming to that conclusion."

"He told you not to go! He could have killed you, Sirius."

Sirius shook his head. "Shh, Pete's still asleep."

"Sirius, Rem is going to maim you."

Sirius turned sharply, pulling James into the bathroom and closing the door. "He'll never know I was there," he said, and it was more of a threat than anything else. "I made the night easier on him and you, and you can't fault me for wanting to be there."

"I can fault you for going against Remus' wishes."

Sirius gave him that pleading look again, and he sighed. "Fine. I won't tell him."

"Thank you," Sirius breathed, pulling his jumped on and covering all signs of where he had been except for the bruises on his neck. "How's Rem?"

"He's fine. Says he'll be to class after lunch." James relented and told Sirius something he probably shouldn't have. "He said the night went a lot smoother than he expected it to."

Sirius beamed. That was because of him. It didn't even matter that Remus didn't know it.


	5. Confrontation

**So to make up for taking AGES to get chapter 4 out, here is Chapter 5! To all my Anon reviewers, I just want to say thank you! I do appreciate the reviews!**

* * *

Remus was the last student to enter the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. He looked exhausted, and when Sirius looked up sharply as he entered, Remus certainly didn't look like he was fit for class. Still, Sirius was glad to see him.

Peter got up almost as soon as Remus came in and met him at a desk in the front, leaving James and Sirius in the back. He must have felt bad for not joining them last night. Just as well- Peter never could keep a secret, and probably would have told Remus that Padfoot had joined them.

"He's going to have to acknowledge me again one of these days."

James rolled his eyes. "I couldn't blame him if he never did."

"How can you say that?" Sirius whispered, giving James a hurt look. "I thought you and I were okay."

"You and I are," James reasoned. "But then, I'm not the one you almost got executed. I won't say you didn't betray me, though."

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his black hair. "So you are still mad at me?"

"No," James answered, getting frustrated, but still calmly reasoning with Sirius in a way that was uncharacteristic of him. "But I understand why he is. Just give him time, Pads."

"Gentlemen, pay attention, please."

Sirius fell silent, looking towards Remus' back and sighing deeply.

* * *

The four Marauders did not cross the same paths again until they all settled in for the night. Once again, Remus was the last one in, and Sirius figured out that it was to cut down on the time he might have to deal with Sirius. It was frustrating, to say the least. A month had gone by… shouldn't they be on their way to making up by now?

Remus set his bag on his bed and walked into the bathroom, leaving the door slightly open. Sirius jumped at the opportunity. James looked up from his Quidditch Monthly, shaking his head slightly as if to say, 'Don't do it.'

Sirius gently pushed the door open, almost holding his breath in case Remus exploded at him. That didn't happen, though. Remus glanced up from the sink, his toothbrush in mouth, noted who it was, and went back to brushing.

Under the pretense of also getting ready to turn in for the night, Sirius reached across the werewolf for his own toothbrush. He figured this would be safer than an open confrontation.

The two boys brushed in silence for a couple of minutes, and when Remus started to leave, Sirius finally spoke up. "Rem, wait." He had stopped the other boy so suddenly, he had a bit of toothpaste running down his chin.

Remus turned, his eyes silently begging Sirius not to do this.

"Please, just listen to me for a minute."

Remus leaned against the doorway, his arms crossed. He said nothing, but at least he wasn't ignoring Sirius, either.

Now that Sirius had Remus' attention, he didn't know what to do with it. "Rem, look, I am so sorry about what happened." He paused, expected Remus to cut him off. The other boy remained silent, unmoving. Sirius continued. "I wasn't thinking, I didn't think of the things that could have happened. I will regret what I did for the rest of my life, I'm pretty sure, but couldn't you just help me out a little here?"

"Help you out how, exactly?"

Sirius wiped the toothpaste away from his chin. "I don't know. Let me apologize."

"You have apologized," Remus pointed out.

"Forgive me."

"I have."

"What?" Sirius had no intelligible response to that for a moment. He could see no evidence of forgiveness from Remus, and even James said it would take much longer. "You have?"

"I have."

This angered Sirius. "Bullshit, you have. If you had forgiven me, you would have let me come last night. You wouldn't be avoiding me so carefully. You wouldn't be trying to exclude me from your life-"

"What, you think this is easy for me?" Remus said, cutting Sirius off. "Not talking to you and trying not to let years of friendship make me just forget all this? Why, Sirius, should I make this any easier on you?"

James had set his magazine down, and both he and Peter were watching the argument, both ready to jump up if they were needed.

"Because I made a mistake!" Sirius growled. "Everyone makes mistakes, Remus."

"Your mistake could have cost three people their lives! It could have made me a murderer. It could have made me the monster everyone else says I am! Everyone makes careless mistakes, Sirius. Not everyone makes heartless mistakes." Remus turned away from the other boy, but Sirius reached out and grabbed his arm, forcing Remus to face him again. The tawny haired boy ripped his arm from Sirius' grip.

Sirius ran his hand through his hair, hesitating before he said anything.

Remus squinted, then pushed Sirius further into the bathroom under the light.

"What are you doing?" Sirius protested, but Remus grabbed his chin and tilted his head.

"What the hell are these?" The anger in Remus' voice told Sirius he didn't need to answer because the other boy already knew.

"Bruises," he said anyway.

"No, really?" Remus responded, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "You came last night. Unbelievable!"

"I didn't!" Sirius tried to argue. Remus turned his head and looked at James for confirmation. James raised his hands and shook his head, indicating that he wasn't getting involved. Remus turned back to Sirius, an eyebrow raised.

"Okay, I did, but you needed me, Rem."

"I specifically told you not to come. What would have stopped me from biting down harder?" He asked, waving his hand and the teeth marks on Sirius' neck. "What would have stopped me from ripping your throat out? God, Sirius, you can be so stupid!"

"I did it for you!" Remus gave an indignant noise, and Sirius changed his tactic. "I know you're mad at me, Rem, and I understand that. I do, I swear. But please just let me try and make things right again. Forgive me."

Remus shook his head, his tone softening. "I have forgiven you. I just can't let you back in because I don't trust you. Especially when you can't even respect my wishes, and then lie to me about it!" He turned away again, and Sirius didn't try to stop him. He watched as his friend, the boy he adored, closed the curtains around his bed, shutting himself away from the other three.

"Pads-"

Sirius shook his head, holding a hand out to stop James. He didn't want to hear anything he might have to say. "This can't go on forever, Remus," he said loudly, angrily, and stormed to his own bed when Remus didn't answer.

James rolled his eyes. "Pads, why you so mad?"

"Because he-" he pointed at Remus' bed, "Is being…. Being…"

"Truthful? Rightfully angry? Saying things you can't handle hearing?" Peter supplied. Sirius shot him a dirty look that silenced him immediately.

"Childish, is what I was going to say."

"You are hardly one to talk, Sirius," James said gently. "Being childish is what got us all here, and that was you."

Sirius grumbled and made a rude gesture at James before flopping down on his bed in a huff.

"Yeah, you too," James said, picking his magazine back up and preparing to ignore Sirius for the rest of the night. It was just as well, since Sirius had every intention of being ignored.


	6. Someone's Figured It Out

**Sorry guys… My computer crashed and it took Dell a week to solve the problem, which never happened, and another week to send me a brand new computer. You'll probably get chapter 7 asap because I feel guilty.**

**Fefe: Thank you so much for the review! Im sorry I couldn't get this up sooner.**

* * *

Another month passed uneventfully, and the students of Hogwarts were growing increasingly worried. Whenever James was approached about it, he very diplomatically would say that it was between the four of them. The students could tell, however, that the problem was between Sirius and Remus, and James and Peter were involved by association.

James had even given Lily the tired diplomatic answer. This had put her off. James was supposed to be walking on air that she would even talk to him. But no, he said it was between the four of them and left.

Which led her to Peter.

The small boy looked up from his toast, his eyes narrowing just slightly.

"Good morning, Peter," Lily said cheerfully, her hands on her hips and a look in her green eyes that suggested business.

"Morning, Lily," he said, almost cautiously.

Lily smiled broadly and sat down with a flourish. "Where are the rest of the Fantastic Four?"

"James and Sirius have Quidditch practice. I don't know where Remus is."

"Perfect," Lily almost purred. "Because I need to talk to you."

Peter set his toast down, finished chewing, and looked steadily at the redhead. He said nothing, however.

"What happened between Sirius and Remus?"

"Nothing," Peter said quickly, almost defensively, and then closed his eyes, realizing how stupid the answer was. James was so much better about this. "It's not my place to say."

"I'm not trying to pry, Peter," Lily said gently, lying. "I'm just worried. As is the rest of the school, if you can't tell. We have a right to know."

"No, you don't," Peter responding, bolder now, and he sat up a little taller. Lily matched his posture, surprised by this reaction. "No one has a right to know." Lily couldn't know this, but Peter wasn't talking about the source of the argument anymore.

She sighed, realizing Peter wasn't going to give in very easily. She leaned forward and lowered his voice. "Does this have anything to do with Remus' lycanthropy?"

Peter coughed, and had anything been in his mouth, Lily would have been covered with it. "What?"

"You heard me."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Lily."

"Come on, Peter. You know very well what I'm talking about. And I'm never going to believe that you don't know about it, so you can stop wasting time for both of us and tell me."

Peter just stared at her. This was… frightening. Yes, frightening was the word.

"Is that why your whole group is fighting?" She asked again, prompting him.

"Yes," Peter whispered, and his terror grew. Was he betraying Remus as well? "How did you know?"

Lily waved her hand dismissively. "Remus and I are friends, and I've had almost six years to piece it together. It wasn't that difficult."

"How long have you known?"

"Not long. What happened two months ago?" For her part, Lily was disinterested about how or why she knew. She didn't see how that even mattered.

"I still don't think I should tell you. It's between Remus and Sirius, and one of them should be the one to tell you. And I doubt that Sirius will say a word… he knows better now."

Lily's eyebrows creased, repeating his words in her mind. "Oh… did Sirius tell someone about Remus?"

"How do you do that?" Peter asked, a slight mousey squeak to his voice, which he often got when he was in situations like these.

Lily smiled. "Who did he tell?"

"I don't know. Read my mind like you seem to be so good at doing."

She laughed. "I see those three have taught you sarcasm."

"Sorry," Peter mumbled, and she waved a dismissive hand again.

"It's all right. I'll figure it out. Thanks, Peter."

Peter nodded bleakly, feeling absolutely terrible. He hadn't actually told Lily anything, right? He left his toast unfinished, and headed back to the dorms to get his books for his first class, with a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that today was not going to be a good day.

* * *

"Remus, can we talk?"

The prefect looked up from his parchment, his eyes narrowing slightly at James. "Sure." The confrontation was quite similar to how Lily had approached Peter, except that James was less showy about it.

James sat down across from Remus. "You're not going to like what I have to say. But you have to just listen until I'm done, okay?"

One eyebrow rose, but Remus closed his Charms text. "I'm listening."

James nodded and sighed. "Okay. Look, Sirius is a right git and you have every reason to be mad at him forever. But he's so torn up over this, Rem. He only came to the shack because he wanted things to be easier for you. And I have to agree, the night would have been a lot worse without him. And yes, you asked him not to go and he did… but he was doing it for you. That's all he's been thinking about for the last month, is you."

"But when it came to getting revenge on Snape, he wasn't thinking about me at all," Remus answered, outwardly unmoved.

"You don't know what that argument was really about," James said softly, then continued before Remus could ask. "And it's not my place to tell you. All I'm asking is that you try and remember that Sirius is really trying. I'm not asking you to stop being mad at him, just recognize that he's trying."

Remus paused, and when he finally nodded, the hard, uncaring Remus he had been showing the world shattered. It was a profound moment, and James caught it and held onto it.

"I don't want him to try."

"What?" James asked, surprised. "Come on, Rem, we all know that you can't stay mad at him forever. You've never been able to."

"I'm not mad at him anymore," the words rushed out of Remus' mouth, and he let the next words spill out just as quickly. "I want him to stop trying because I know I'll eventually give in, and when I do, I'm completely vulnerable to his next betrayal."

"Whoa," James breathed, feeling suddenly like he had opened Pandora's Box. He was in a situation he was unfamiliar with. Being the go-between and the mediator was Remus' job. He hadn't the faintest idea how to handle all of this. "Sirius made a huge mistake, and he admits that. It was a betrayal, to all of us, but he would never do it on purpose, and I know he'll never do it again. That last thing he wanted was for you to get hurt."

"Then why did he do it?"

"You'll have to ask Sirius." When Remus rolled his eyes and huffed, James sighed. "You have to talk to him, Rem. Maybe not today, or even for a while, but eventually. Pete and I can't keep splitting our time between you two. I never even see Pete anymore."

"I never asked you to do what you've done."

"No," James agreed, "And neither did Sirius. But we do, because we're friends with both of you, and that's not going to change. And you don't think this is just a little childish?"

Remus gave him a sharp look, and James put his hands up. "All right, all right. I have Quidditch practice. Just… think about what I said."

Remus did. There were things about life that Remus simply knew. One of these things was that people tended to let you down, especially if you turned into a deadly, fury beast once a month (except in the case of girls, and Remus supposed because they lacked the fury quality). He had tried very hard not to let anyone in. Sirius often commented on a wall that Remus had built around himself, and the young werewolf really couldn't deny that. But somehow, these three managed to weasel their way in, and he did trust them, against his better judgment. Sirius had broken that trust, and Remus did not feel that the boy deserved another shot at it.


	7. Taking Action

**Anno: Thank you for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.**

**A/N: This chapter, by the way, is my favorite so far. Coincidentally, I think it's also the shortest.**

* * *

"Don't even tell me not to come tonight."

"Excuse me?"

Sirius' eyes never strayed away from the broom he was polishing, and his expression never changed. "I said, don't tell me not to come to the shack tonight. You know fully well I won't listen. So you might as well save your breath now, and your anger tomorrow."

Remus shook his head, half tempted to just leave the room again, but he didn't. Usually, if James and Pete weren't around, he would have left, but he'd gotten better about not openly avoiding Sirius. "You have some nerve, Black."

"It would be wonderful, too, if you could start calling me Sirius again. Maybe even Padfoot." Still, Sirius had not looked up from his broom. If he had, he might have laughed at the look on Remus' face. He continued. "I also think it's about time the four of us start sitting together during classes and meals again. We can sit on opposite ends, if you like. I'd be willing to make that compromise."

Remus set his bag on the foot of his bed, staring at Sirius, thinking that maybe he had finally lost it because Sirius couldn't really be saying all of this. When he made no verbal response, Sirius finally looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Well?"

"You're not really in a position to be demanding anything from me," Remus told him, and he could swear that Sirius smiled faintly.

"This has gone on long enough-"

"It's been two months!"

"And if one of us doesn't start demanding something, things will never change."

Remus laughed once, coldly. "Oh. You want demands? I can do that."

"No, Rem," Sirius said gently, and his attention went back to his broom. "We've all been friends for over five years, and I refuse to let my mistake ruin it for all of us."

"Then you should have thought about that when you sent Snape to me, and James had to save him."

"Merlin, Remus!" Sirius exclaimed, and his broom was now forgotten, Sirius' practiced resolve shattered. Sirius was on his feet, stepping towards the other boy. "It was a mistake. I fucked up, I get that, and I am so sorry. I can't keep apologizing if you won't accept it. I never meant to hurt you, and I will regret that I did until the day I die. Why won't you let me make it up to you?"

Remus backed away from Sirius, matching the boy's steps. Finally, Sirius had Remus backed against the wall. Maybe this was the only way to make Remus understand… force him to react somehow.

Sirius stepped closer so that he was invading Remus' space, stepping closer until his hands were on Remus' shoulders and he had the werewolf pinned to the wall.

"Get off of me," Remus said, quietly.

Sirius shook his head, moving closer still, and wondering what Remus would do if he just kissed him. Even Sirius was smart enough to know that was a bad idea.

When his lips were next to Remus' ear, he whispered, "Be angry with me."

He could feel Remus' body shiver, and he didn't know if it was from sorrow or anger, and he didn't really want to know right now.

"I am angry."

"You're not. Be angry, Remus. Yell at me. You want me off of you? Push me off. Hit me. Do something, anything, to make yourself feel better."

Remus' hands remained at his side, and he was concentrating on not balling them into fists. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Liar."

"I wouldn't hurt you to make myself feel better," Remus insisted. "I'm not like you."

Sirius' eyes closed, but he didn't let Remus know this statement had hurt him. "You don't want to make me feel just a little of the hurt you've been feeling for the last two months? You don't want to make me pay?"

He knew, at any other time, that Remus wouldn't react. But the full moon was tonight, and Sirius wasn't talking to Remus. He was appealing to the wolf that he could hear in Remus' voice, that he could see just behind Remus' eyes, that he could feel tensing Remus' muscles.

"No," Remus practically growled. He was fighting the very creature Sirius was provoking.

"I could have made you a murderer, gotten you kicked out of the school, maybe even gotten you killed." He hesitated, knowing his next statement would be the worst lie he ever told, but it would get a reaction from Remus. "And you know what, if I had the chance to go back and change that night… I don't think I would. I'd do it all over again."

That hit the right chord. He felt Remus' whole body tense and barely had time to brace himself before Remus brought his hands up and shoved Sirius as hard as he could. The taller boy was thrown off balance and landed on the floor, but he was on his feet again in a second.

"If I had told him just five minutes later, then maybe James wouldn't have gotten to him in time."

"Stop it!" Remus shouted. "You don't mean that!"

"Then Snape would finally be gone… and maybe you would finally come to terms with what you really are."

It hurt Sirius enough just to say these things, but the look that Remus gave him after that remark nearly broke his heart. "If the wolf had killed Snape, you wouldn't be able to deny that the wolf is you… not a separate entity inside you."

Remus swung and hit Sirius squarely on the jaw. It forced him to back away, and it hurt like hell. Sirius knew that the punch had probably been the only way Remus could think of to keep Sirius from closing in on him again, rather than a reaction to his words, but he supposed those helped. Remus never lashed out like this, and Sirius knew it was the wolf reacting. Instinct was forcing Remus to fight.

"I am not my curse!" Remus shouted at him, and he surprised Sirius by stepping forward. His eyes had gone slightly yellow, and while it was Remus talking, it was the wolf's anger he was feeding off of. When he was close enough, he shoved Sirius again, and Sirius didn't fight it. He wanted Remus to react like this, to let go and finally allow himself to be angry.

Later, when they had both calmed down, Sirius would tell him that he was not his family and he would never hurt Remus on purpose. Then he would assure the boy that the wolf was in fact separate from him, and then maybe they could start forgiving each other. But for now, Sirius just wanted Remus to show him how he felt.

When Remus moved his hands to shove Sirius again, Sirius grabbed his wrists, holding him steady and forcing Remus to look at him. They stood still for a long time, not moving, barely breathing.

When Remus finally closed his eyes and sank to the ground, Sirius followed. He pulled the small body close and just held him. It was the only way he could let Remus know that he was there, and he wasn't going to leave. It didn't matter how angry Remus was, or even what Remus was; Sirius would always be there.

They were still huddled together like that when James found them, and hour later. He looked between Sirius and Remus, and said quietly, "The moon'll be up soon."


	8. Recessions

**I have to tell you, for the first four days after chapter 7 was posted, only two people reviewed. And I thank them both for it, but for my favorite chapter, I was so depressed, lol. As it turns out, I just had to wait a little bit. So thank you everyone, everyone, who reviewed! This chapter is more necessary than anything else, to push the plot forward. Still, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

In the moonlight, Remus looked almost peaceful. It was irony at its best. When the moon was just a day shy of being full, or the day after, and it filtered into the room through the window between James' and Sirius' beds, Sirius would glance at Remus' bed and just watch the boy sleeping. If he didn't know the dreams Remus was having, he could pretend that the moon had no effect on him.

But he did know better, and the peaceful look would vanish all too soon. The dreams would take hold of the werewolf's mind, and it would be another near sleepless night.

Sirius alone knew that Remus had nightmares every night. Sometimes, especially when Remus was younger, he would wake up screaming. As he grew older and became more accustomed to his nightmares, he rarely woke that way anymore. Most nights, he woke quietly, sometimes with a quiet gasp. Sirius always knew.

Remus' eyes squeezed shut tighter, and Sirius sighed. He sat up in his bed, already swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress. Remus made a little whimpering noise, and mere seconds later, Sirius was crawling over the comforter to reach Remus' body. The werewolf was shaking by now, and Sirius lay on his side, pulling Remus' body so that his back was flat against Sirius' chest.

"Relax," he whispered, wrapping his arms around the too-thin body of his friend. "You're just dreaming, it's okay…" he repeated this little mantra until Remus stopped shaking, and his eyes slowly loosened. "You're okay," Sirius said one last time, moving slowly so that he wouldn't wake Remus as he left the bed.

He could do this sometimes… stop Remus' dreams from waking him up. Remus would still wake up that night, from another dream that Sirius slept through until it was too late, but he was still asleep for now.

"Sirius Black, Hogwarts' Resident Badass."

Sirius looked up at the harsh whisper, startled. James was looking back at him, glasses on and hair so perfectly tousled. "Shove it," Sirius whispered back. "It helps him."

James tilted his head. "How long have you been doing that?"

Sirius shrugged, a good indication to James that he had been doing it for quite some time.

"Does Rem know you do that?"

"No, and he never will!" Sirius said defensively. Remus rolled over, and a slight groan could be heard from Peter's bed.

"Merlin, you two. Go to sleep."

"Doesn't Madam Pomfrey give him anything to help him sleep?"

Sirius nodded. "Sometimes. But she says he can't have it every night, so he's stopped asking."

James shook his head. "You never cease to amaze me, Pads."

Peter's bed curtains were thrown open, and the boy's mousey eyes glared at them. "Can you go to sleep? I have a test in Charms tomorrow."

"Sorry, Pete," James said. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"Don't get your knickers in a twist," Sirius said, crawling back into his own bed. "You know you're going to fail that exam anyway."

"You're an arse."

Sirius smiled widely, not bothering to give a response to Peter. The boy shut his bed curtains again, and Sirius glanced at Remus' bed one last time. He was shocked to see, however, that the amber eyed boy was looking back at him.

He shook his head, giving Sirius a disappointed look that seemed to say, "Why do you do that?"

Sirius only rolled over, pulling his blanket to his chin and closing his eyes. Remus' sheets rustled a moment later, and Sirius allowed himself to fall asleep.

* * *

"So, are things better between you and Rem?" James asked, taking his seat next to Sirius in the back of the classroom.

"Yes and no," Sirius answered. The full moon had only been a couple of nights ago, but Remus hadn't spoken to him since. "I thought we made a lot of progress before we went to the shack, but he won't talk to me again, and I think I did more damage than I wanted to."

"Yeah, well, speaking of that, what actually happened?" James asked, watching as Peter came into class and sat with Remus near the front. "He's not speaking to anyone, all of a sudden."

Sirius sighed. "I said some things I shouldn't have."

James actually snorted, earning a glance from all the students in the room except Remus. Sirius hit him in the arm. "What did you say?"

Sirius closed his eyes, groaning a little. "That if I had the choice, I wouldn't change anything about that night."

"Sirius!" James said, harshly, hoping he had misheard. "Why would you say something like that? I thought you were trying to make amends?"

"I wanted him to get angry with me." Sirius was looking at the desk, wishing James would leave him the hell alone because he felt bad enough.

James nearly whistled. "Well, that would have done it. I don't get it though… when I came in…"

"He was tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally… he didn't have the energy to fight me."

"You two boys should fill me in now."

James and Sirius both turned surprised eyes on Lily, who had slipped into the two-person desk next to James. She held up a hand to stop either of them from telling her to butt out.

"I know about Remus. I know Sirius told someone about him. But it's been two months since then now, and I want to know why he's still angry with you."

Sirius practically growled, sitting up straighter. "And what the bloody hell gives you the idea that you deserve to know?"

James gave him a look, and Lily's eyebrows rose. "You and I, Sirius, are two of Remus' closest friends. And only one of us hasn't broken his trust."

James shook his head, looking over his shoulder and for the first time in his academic life, just prayed the professor would come in already.

"Talking to me like that isn't going to get you anywhere, Evans."

James looked at Lily, trying to stop her from saying anything more to Sirius, who, James decided, was a git. "And you think Sirius telling someone about Remus wasn't enough to keep Remus angry all this time?"

"No," Lily said. Sirius thought she sounded far too sure of herself. "You two have done a lot of things that made Remus angry. But he doesn't know how not to forgive someone. So I would like to know, if it's not too much trouble, what actually happened."

"I still don't see how it's any of your business, Evans," Sirius hissed, his eyes snapping to James when the other boy elbowed him. Both Sirius and Lily looked in the direction that James nodded. The professor was walking in the classroom, and the students were all falling silent.

"He's my friend too, Sirius," Lily whispered, giving the boy a hard look and sliding out of her seat, leaving Sirius and James alone.

James smacked his arm, and Sirius set his head on his desk, suddenly miserable.


	9. The Thing about People

**Hey guys… I have been out of town this week… and I think I've pretty much fallen into a schedule of posting a new chapter every week and a half. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews!**

* * *

The thing about Remus, Sirius figured, was that he balanced between trusting people too much, and not trusting them enough, and applying the wrong one for the wrong person. For instance, he trusted Snape far too much. It seemed Sirius alone was not certain that Snape would remain quiet, even though he had in the last two and a half months. James seemed confident that the Slytherin would stay quiet, but that didn't stop him from making it quite clear what would happen if he didn't.

But Remus… no, Remus bloody trusted him. He had sworn his silence to Dumbledore, and that was good enough for Remus. But Sirius would apologize over and over, and swear that he'd never do anything like that again, and Remus could look at him like he was now, across the library, nothing but disappointment in his eyes.

What Sirius didn't know, and probably would never understand, was that the disappointment in Remus' eyes was not in Sirius.

"The thing about Sirius-"

Remus glanced up from his book to see Lily sitting across from him.

"-is that, as much as I am loathe to admit it, he knows when he's messed up."

"I agree," Remus said, his eyes seemingly asking her why she was sticking up for Sirius.

"You wouldn't believe it, but you two have disrupted the entire school. No one knows who to trust anymore. It's pathetic."

Remus laughed, earning him a sharp look from Madam Pince, and earning Lily a jealous glare from Sirius. Neither noticed.

Lily smiled and her features softened, her green eyes clouding with friendly concern. "How are you doing, hun?"

"I'm fine," Remus answered. Lily gave him a disbelieving look. "I'm fine," he repeated, this time emphasizing the words.

Lily's voice dropped to a near whisper. "Sirius told someone about you, and you haven't made up yet. Sirius is your best friend-"

"Besides you."

Lily rolled her eyes and smiled. "You're not 'fine,' Remus."

The amber-eyed boy shrugged, tapping his fingers against the book he had been trying, failing, to read. He made no reaction to the fact that Lily knew what had happened… the gist of it, anyway. She had known what he was for about a year now. It had taken her longer to figure it out than the boys, but then, she didn't have anyone to help her, and she didn't spend as much time with Remus as the Marauders did.

"Who did he tell?"

Remus sighed deeply, looking back up at her with obvious hurt in his eyes. "Snape," he answered softly. Lily gasped a little. Sure, she hated it when James tortured the Slytherin, but even she had to admit that the boy had his dislikable qualities.

"He couldn't have told anyone worse!"

Remus tilted his head and shook it. "Thank you, Lils. I needed that."

"I'm sorry," she replied immediately. "It's just… why him?"

Remus shrugged. "James knows, but he won't tell me. I think it's his way of trying to get me to talk to Sirius. He could have… I don't need to tell you what could have happened if James hadn't saved Snape."

"James what?" Lily asked, a little surprised by Remus's words. Apparently, she hadn't figured out the whole story.

Remus' voice dropped into a whisper so low that Lily had to lean over the table to even heard him. "Snape came to the Shack… James pulled him back before he could get hurt. If it weren't for James… I wouldn't even be here to be angry at Sirius." Remus, despite the anger he still felt about the whole thing, gave Lily a sly little smile. "The thing about James is… he surprises you."

Lily sat up straight again, giving Remus a hardly amused look. "He probably just wanted the hero status."

Remus nodded, as if humoring her. "Of course he did… which is why no one else in the school knows what he did," he deadpanned. "It's harder to hate him when you know he can be selfless, isn't it?"

"One good deed does not make up for everything bad he's done, Remus."

"The bad things he's done have been harmless…" Lily snorted, causing Remus to retract his statement. "Okay, maybe not harmless… but they weren't really that bad. Besides, he's matured a lot in the last few months."

"I doubt that," she replied, fingering a few strands of her fiery red hair.

When Sirius couldn't take it anymore, he gathered his few belongings (none of which consisted of books, despite his location) and went to the table the two were sharing. Te conversation stopped dead, but no one moved. Remus' eyes were boring holes through the table, and Lily's eyes were on him. She would follow his lead, however he wanted to proceed here. Sirius looked between the two, then finally sat down, next to Lily.

Remus was on his feet a moment later, gathering his books.

"Remus, stop this!" Sirius said, ignoring the angry librarian as she tried to shush him. "We have to start talking again at some point… we can't keep doing this!"

Remus was already walking away, and Lily too was on her feet. She put a hand on Sirius' shoulder, looking at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry," she said, before jogging to catch up with Remus.

* * *

When Sirius came back to the dorms that night, smelling of contraband cigarettes, Peter was already asleep. James was just taking off his glasses and pulling his curtains shut, but he paused when his friend came in, looking pointedly at Sirius, then flicking his eyes to Remus. The boy was sitting at his desk, writing in his journal ("Merlin, you really are a woman," James had teased a few years before).

Sirius followed his gaze, then looked back at James. "What?" he mouthed, adding a frustrated shrug of his shoulders.

James shook his head once and pulled the curtains of his bed shut.

Sirius changed quickly and climbed into his own bed. "Goodnight, Rem."

He received no response, but the scratching of the quill against paper had stopped, momentarily. Remus still listened, even if he didn't respond.

_The thing about Sirius_, he had written, _is that he does know when he's made a mistake, and he is sorry for it. But sometimes, I don't think he understands the difference between being sorry, and learning from his mistakes. I'm not even angry at him, any more. But how can I explain to him that I don't trust him? He says he'll never do anything like this again, and I know he thinks he won't. But Sirius loses his head too easily, and that's just it: Sirius is a passionate person. In the heat of the moment, whatever the moment is, he doesn't think. He just acts. And every time this happens, I will forgive him, but it will get harder and harder to deal with the betrayal. Maybe I think too much, and don't act enough. How can we reconcile that? Still, I know that I can't ignore him forever. It's childish and petty… I just don't know how to do this._


	10. New Alliances

**I just want to say thank you to everyone who reviews! You guys really make my day! This chapter's a tiny bit shorter than the rest have been, sorry. Also, my goal is to finish this story by July (school starts for me in July, and I won't have a lot of time to post then).**

* * *

James looked up, blinking at the apparition of a Goddess standing before him. Flowing red hair and emerald green eyes were all he could take in (all that he would admit to taking in, as anything else he may have been looking at might have tempted the Goddess to curse him on the spot).

He looked at Peter, who shrugged, silently saying that he didn't know what Lily was doing there either. He expected a snide remark from Sirius, but both he and Remus were off doing something other than eating breakfast (but separately, of course). It was just Peter's shrug and an indignant cough from the Goddess that prompted him to shut his jaw, and then form a handful of words.

"Uh… Are you lost?"

Peter sat up a little straighter and gave James an incredulous look. 'Are you lost?' he mouthed. James only shot him a dirty look.

"I am not lost."

"Then… can I help you with something?"

Lily's eyebrows rose and one hand rested on her hip. "I could leave, if you'd rather."

"No!" James answered quickly, and Peter made two very important observations about these two. For as smooth and all talk as James was, the boy turned into putty whenever Lily came near. And never let it be said that Lily did not know, or enjoy manipulating, the power that she held over James.

"Stay," James continued. "Have a seat?"

"Is that a question?"

"No," James fumbled over his thoughts, trying to figure out just what to say to keep Lily from deciding he wasn't worth the time, like she so often did. "Please sit."

Lily smiled and sat down across from James, next to Peter. "So, boys. What are we going to do about Sirius and Remus?"

Eyebrows rose, not for the first time since she'd shown up. James licked his lips. "We've got it handled."

"Three months later, I can tell. Wonderful job, really. I applaud you."

James was torn between being irritated, and being absolutely love struck. "Lily, they are our friends, and they're going through something that I really don't think you can understand."

"She knows," Peter said, piping up finally. "All of it. Except who was told."

"No, I know that now too. Remus told me."

James coughed. "When did all of this happen?"

Lily set her hands flat against the top of the table. "James, stay on topic."

"Lily," Peter said, before James could really respond. "You hate Sirius."

"But I love Remus," James' eye twitched a little with jealousy, even though he knew Lily meant it in a platonic way. "And Sirius is one of his best friends. And he's bloody miserable. I just…" her voice softened, and her manipulative, cold exterior melted. "I hate seeing him like this. I hate seeing all four of you like this, truth be told."

* * *

Sirius had given up. Straight up, hands down, given up. Remus wasn't going to talk to him, ever. He would be an old old man, wrinkly, and dying, and even then, Remus wouldn't even look at him. He had a flair for the dramatic, sure, but the way things were going, it seemed like a definite possibility for his future.

Which was just bloody brilliant, since Sirius had decided he was hopelessly in love with the boy. How the skinny, pale, scarred, half-blooded half breed had wedged himself in Sirius' heart was a mystery. Maybe it had to do with that brain of his, or the way he seemed so unassuming, helpless even, but deep down, he was stronger than any of them.

"Merlin, stop thinking about him," Sirius told himself, out loud. He set a half smoked cigarette to his lips, breathing it in deeply. He was sitting against the stone wall of the castle half hidden by a set of steps so he wouldn't be disturbed. What he didn't know was that at the top of those barely used stairs, Remus was sitting, his head leaned back against the door and his eyes closed.

He didn't know Sirius was so close, but the irony of the fact they went to the same place to escape each other might have hit him if he did. The castle anymore was just oppressive, and he hated being trapped inside. He picked up an odd habit of pacing the dorm rooms. Peter commented that he was acting like a caged animal. It didn't help that the full moon was fast approaching- the third one since The Incident. (James coined it).

After a few minutes, Remus sighed, smelling the smoke from the cigarette and deciding he needed somewhere else to be. He climbed down the stairs to pass by the student, and maybe take points away, if he was in the mood.

His eyes locked on Sirius, and his steps faltered. It took the raven haired boy a moment longer to look up.

"What are you looking at?" he snapped, before he realized who was in front of him, and his expression changed immediately to a half apologetic, half 'deer in the headlights' look. "Remus, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap, I-"

"You're not supposed to be smoking on school grounds."

The end of the cigarette was mashed against the wall and put out in an instant. For anyone else, Sirius would have put up an attitude, and even then he probably wouldn't have quit smoking. But it was Remus… it was a sentence. From Remus' mouth. He would have done anything to have another, even waste half of a perfectly good smoke.

The two boys stared at each other for an hour. Well, it felt like an hour to both of them. Maybe it was only fifteen seconds. Sirius' expression was still half edgy, like he was deciding on fight or flight, and part eager too, just hoping Remus would say something more. Remus' expression was tired, but that never seemed to change anymore. But it wasn't hurt, or angry, and that was a small victory for Sirius.

Remus finally sighed and turned to go. Sirius, being who he was, was unable to let it just go with that one victory.

"Say it."

It stopped Remus, brought their eyes back to each other. "What?"

"You've barely talked to me, or anyone, in three months. I know there must be something you want to say."

Remus smiled a little and looked around, shoving his hands in his pockets. Sirius thought he wasn't going to get anything from him, but that smile was another small victory, and Sirius cherished it.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah, Rem?"

"I miss you."


	11. We're Getting There

**So… this chapter took ages for me to write, and I do so apologize. I say that everytime too, I know. But I am keeping this story going, I swear it. Thank you for your patience with me. Also, I wasn't really going to write Sirius' reaction to the "I miss you," and it appears that the majority of you really rather I did. So the timing of this chapter seemed a little off to me. It's also shorter than the rest… but I'm already working on chapter 12, which should fingers crossed, be out in the next couple of days to make up for it… but enjoy. And thank you again for all of the reviews! You know I adore them.**

* * *

Sirius' breath hitched, and he almost convinced himself that he misheard Remus. In a split second decision, he decided to respond, whether or not Remus had really said it.

"I miss you, too."

Remus nodded, and gave a little half smile. "Doesn't mean I'm not still upset."

"I know," Sirius said, and to Remus, it sounded like the most genuine and mature thing Sirius had ever said.

Silence fell between them. Remus didn't know what else to say… I miss you just encompassed everything. Sirius could have written a 10 foot essay with all of the things he wanted to say, but he didn't know what would push Remus away again.

"Remus?"

"Yeah, Sirius?"

"I am so sorry."

Remus nodded, biting the inside of his lip as his eyes fell. Sirius panicked… maybe it was the wrong thing to say. "I know you are. And I've already forgiven you."

"Then what have we been doing this whole time, Rem? Why have we been avoiding each other, splitting our time with James and Pete… Merlin. It's like… we're a family, and… and…"

"And there was a nasty divorce, and you and I took split custody of James and Pete?"

"Exactly," Sirius said, nodding. Remus shrugged and nodded as well. After a moment, he laughed, and Sirius gave him an odd look.

"It doesn't strike you as odd that I understood your analogy?"

Sirius shrugged. "You always have. Are we… Rem, are we okay?"

Remus' smile faded. "I don't know, Sirius. Not quite. But we'll get there."

* * *

James was standing in front of his bed, his arms crossed while he watched Lily rifle through Remus' desk. There was an interesting loophole in the dorm rooms that he had, surprisingly, never tried. Boys could not get into the girls' dorms, but there were no such protection on the boys'.

"Are you sure it's… ethical to be going through his things?"

She gave him an incredulous look. "Do you want them to be friends again or not?"

"I'm so attracted to you right now," James said in a breath, and the look on Lily's face said that she already knew it.

"What are you looking for, exactly?" Peter asked.

Lily didn't answer right away, but when she found what she was looking for, she tossed it to Peter. "I knew Remus kept a journal," she explained, looking completely pleased with herself. "And I bet you… that has everything Sirius would need to know to make it up to Rem."

"What are you doing?"

The three of them spun around, all looking like kids with their hands in the cookie jar, so to speak. Lily was the first to breathe a sigh of relief that it was Sirius confronting them, and not Remus.

"Apparently," Peter said, the first to open his mouth, "We're helping you and Remus be friends again." He held out the small leather bound book.

Sirius stepped forward and took it, and then tossed it back into Remus' trunk. "Are you three insane? Going through his private things is supposed to make him forgive me?" He shook his head. "And as sweet as that notion is… Remus and I are talking again. Now out, Lily."

He was met with three dumbfounded stares.

"What? You're talking again?"

"I'm not leaving!"

"When did this happen?"

"Where's Remus now?"

"Whoa," Sirius said, holding up his hands. "I'm exhausted, all right? Can we do this later? And can you lot possible not hound Rem when he comes up either?"

"You know," Lily said, "For getting one of your best friends to talk to you again, you're in an awfully foul mood." She gave James a look. "I'll talk to you later, James."

He nodded in turn before looking back at Sirius, but that glare told him not to say a word.

"She's right," Pete said. "You should be happier."

"I would be if you would just stay out of it… Remus and I finally are getting somewhere… and I don't want to ruin this, or risk doing anything that might."

James gave up, just walking away, but Peter seemed to scowl. "Yeah, well, don't push the rest of your friends away in the process," he muttered before getting up to follow James, and Sirius was left with that guilty feeling that told him he couldn't do anything right.


	12. Gestures

Wow... Wow. Okay, guys, I have a lot to say here this time. First, this chapter is longer than the rest have been... not by much, I realize, but it's a page longer in Word than the rest, so I'm trying to make them longer for you! Next, I start film school tomorrow, so I know I'm not exactly speedy poster now, but my updates may take a little longer. I'm not putting it on hold though, I promise! Third, I think you lot gave me more credit for that last chapter than I rightly deserved. I still don;t like the last chapter, but thank you for the kind words and the assurances that you all liked it as well. I greatly appreciate all of your reviews, as always! So, here it is, chapter 12. Please enjoy.

* * *

Remus looked like he hadn't slept in a while, his hand in his hair as he was holding his head up, pouring over his Potions text. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was already trying to study for his NEWTs next year. James had found out, and teased him mercilessly for it. He doubted reactions from anyone other than Lily would be much different, which lead to his own silence and James' sworn silence on the matter.

He decided to take a beautiful Saturday to open up the books, but more than that, to get out of the castle. He had settled down under his tree by the lake (well, actually, it was the Marauder's tree by the lake, but the others usually let Remus have first dibs on it, so he called it his own), and leaned against it, letting the slight breeze in the leaves relax him as he read.

Suddenly, a pencil smaller than his pinky finger was set in the crease of the book.

He picked it up, then looked at who put it there. Sirius looked down and shrugged.

"What, was this made in Lilliput?"

"What?" Sirius asked, the reference going completely over his head.

"Gulliver's Travels, never mind. What is this?"

Sirius took that as an invitation to sit down, and he took a spot next to Remus. "I forget what they called it… but you write down notes and things, and it helps you remember. Not allowed to use it on exams and things, of course… but it could help until then."

Remus gave a soft, unguarded smile. "Thank you, Sirius."

The black haired boy shrugged. "Not a big deal. Thought it would buy me a couple of answers on the exam from you," he said, a twinkle in his eye.

Remus laughed and shook his head. "No, you are not cheating on any exam between now and the end of seventh year."

"Well, not off of you, obviously," he retuned with a laugh of his own. "You look terrible, Remus." The full moon was approaching, and no matter how much Remus refused to use that as an excuse, Sirius knew it was a big part of his friend's ragged look.

"Oh, well thank you," Remus said. "Wonder how I manage not to blush with such compliments."

Rolling his eyes, Sirius added, "It's not good to study too much."

They were talking more amiably now, but Sirius was careful with what he said, careful not to touch Remus. Remus in turn was careful to be more forgiving of any mistakes Sirius did make. Things weren't perfect, and more often than not, they were yelling rather than talking… but it was a start.

"I study for the both of us," he answered with a little smile, his eyes back on the book, though Sirius could tell he wasn't reading.

"And what good does that do me if I can't look at your answers?"

"Yeah, yeah. Get out of here. You're distracting me."

Sirius sighed. "Can I stay if I promise to be quiet?"

Remu's head lifted and he regarded Sirius for a long moment before he nodded. Sirius smiled, leaning back against the tree and closed his eyes. Remus watched him, watching that easy, knowing smirk spread across the boy's lips, which, for whatever reason, made Remus look away quickly… down at the pencil in his hand.

It was a cute gift. Thoughtful, he supposed, was more the word for it. Sirius and thoughtful, of course, did not often make it into the same sentence. But lately, Sirius was really trying.

"You're still distracting me," Remus said quietly.

Sirius didn't even bother to open his eyes, but he said incredulously, "I haven't even made a sound! How am I distracting you?"

The question went unanswered, and Sirius peeked out of one eye at the boy, who was silently going back to his books. For as much as Sirius teased Remus about his studying, he enjoyed it. It gave him time to really look at Remus without being noticed, to watch and memorize the subtle details of him. One day… one day, he was just going to grab Remus and kiss him.

"What are you looking at me like that for?"

Sirius' eyes focused again, pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind. He smirked and winked at Remus before settling against the tree again and closing his eyes. He heard Remus let out a soft sigh, and then the unmistakable sound of papers rustling.

* * *

"Sirius is going to kill us," Peter said, his arms crossed over his chest as he stood behind Lily and James, who were both pouring over Remus' journal.

James waved him off. "I can handle Sirius."

"And I can handle Remus," Lily said, as if she knew that would be Peter's next point.

"Sure," Peter said, and he kept looking over his shoulder as if he expected one or the both of them to walk through the door at any minute. "But both of them together?"

"Pete, if you don't want to do this, you can go and they'll never know you were a part of this." James said, and the irritation was easily heard in his voice. He pointed to something, indicating Lily should read it.

"I just don't understand, James. They're talking to each other again… so why are we trying to get them to make amends?"

James raised his eyebrows, giving Peter a clearly confused look. It wasn't that he hadn't thought of it before. He had, extensively, and he didn't know the answer either. But it was an excuse to be shoulder to shoulder with Lily… and he wasn't going to give that up because Sirius might yell at him. Sirius yelled at him all the time, and they were still best mates.

Lily looked at him sideways, expecting him to explain, but his eyes seemed very focused on part of the page. She read a little over his shoulder, and explained to Peter at the same time. "Just because they're speaking again does not mean that everything is fine between them. Poor Sirius is walking on eggshells around Remus… I have never seen him so careful with what he says. And for the first time… Remus isn't comfortable around Sirius. He doesn't trust him. We're hurrying up five and a half years of trust and friendship so that they're friends again by the end of term."

"And what do you hope to find in Rem's journal?"

Lily licked her lips and didn't quite answer right away. She knew exactly what she was looking for, but she wasn't certain she'd find it. Remus was secretive, probably even with himself, and even more so with something like what she was looking for. "I'm just looking."

"And you think that's going to be a good enough excuse for Sirius or Remus?"

"Pete!" James hissed, turning to face his mousey friend. "If you're going to keep lecturing us on the morality of what we're doing, you can leave."

Peter raised his eyebrows as if to say, 'You'd like that, wouldn't you?' James, in return, gave him a dangerous look that said not to verbalize what those eyebrows were suggesting.

"I'll stay," he conceded at length.

"Without complaining?"

"Without complaining."

James, however, had to agree with Peter. He didn't think this was right, and he didn't know what he was looking for. Lily had just told him to point out anywhere that Remus had mentioned Sirius. For the first two months after the Incident, he hadn't mentioned Sirius at all. James thought this was odd, but Lily almost smiled at it. This left him thoroughly clueless, as he remained today. When Remus still refused to talk to Sirius, he could justify this… but now, he just didn't know.

"Found it," Lilly announced, pushing the book towards James and pointing out a paragraph on the right side.

_The thing about Sirius is that he does know when he's made a mistake, and he is sorry for it. But sometimes, I don't think he understands the difference between being sorry, and learning from his mistakes. I'm not even angry at him, any more. But how can I explain to him that I don't trust him? He says he'll never do anything like this again, and I know he thinks he won't. But Sirius loses his head too easily, and that's just it: Sirius is a passionate person. In the heat of the moment, whatever the moment is, he doesn't think. He just acts. And every time this happens, I will forgive him, but it will get harder and harder to deal with the betrayal. Maybe I think too much, and don't act enough. How can we reconcile that? Still, I know that I can't ignore him forever. It's childish and petty… I just don't know how to do this_.

"What does that prove?" James asked after he read it, causing Lily to roll her eyes.

"Are you really that thick, Potter?"

"Apparently," he muttered, hating that he wasn't seeing something that was so obvious to her.

"It proves that Sirius needs to act passionately."

"What?" James asked again, still not following her logic.

Lily did not answer him. She rolled her eyes and closed the diary, tucking it into her book bag.

"Remus will notice it missing," Peter said softly.

"Then we'll keep him occupied tonight," James answered, his eyes not leaving Lily. If she was on to something, he'd go with it, whatever it meant.


	13. End of 6th Year

**Sorry you lot… school has been intense! I love it, but I live two hours away, and I've been putting in 19 hour days. Last night when I finally went to bed, it had been a 22 hour day! That barely leaves time for me to shoot my projects, get homework done (and by homework I mean script writing and dramatic workbooks and the like) and sleep. But I have not forgotten you guys, and if it takes me a while to respond to reviews, I'm very sorry, I promise I will! Also, I know this chapter is disgustingly short. I do apologize. I can say that I intend on the next one being longer.**

**On that note, you tend to pick up on little things I type in these chapters and comment on how you'd like to see them played out… the first was Sirius' reaction to Remus earlier, and now it's how they're going to keep Remus occupied… neither of which I had any intention of writing. So, I apologize, but I'm skipping past how they kept Remus occupied… please forgive me? (PS. Please do not stop commenting on these little things… just because I didn't add in this one, doesn't mean I won't in the future. I thoroughly enjoy the input!)**

* * *

Days passed in quiet succession: slowly, uneventfully, lazily. Sirius was keeping a keen eye on James and Lily, knowing they were up to something. If the simple fact that Lily seemed to be spending quite a lot of time with the boy she professed to hate hadn't clued him in, James' reactions to Remus lately would have. James could lie with the best of them… but not to Sirius. Moreover, Peter flat out avoided him, which meant there was a secret he didn't trust himself to keep if confronted.

Remus one night had walked in on a heated argument between Sirius and James in the dorm room, and both boys fell immediately silent at seeing him. In his ever quiet and unassuming way, Remus did not ask about it, or even mention it again. He had only walked past both boys, set his bag at the foot of his bed, and walked back out. Remus' logic was that he simply didn't want to know. Besides, he knew no matter how heated the argument, whether or not it was about him (and it likely was) Sirius would win. Out of all of them, even past James' assumed leadership and bravado, Sirius was the only one that would take orders from no one. He'd listen to what James said, he'd even consider what Remus said, but ultimately… he always won.

It came from a lifetime, short as his was, of being told what to do, imprisoned, punished for not following orders. Now that he didn't have to, he wasn't going to. Remus couldn't blame him. He even understood the feeling. There were days, often close to the full moon, where he wanted to act out against every rule and law the Ministry set down.

So it was strange to him that there seemed to be a set of unspoken rules between them now. Remus could probably recite them, if asked.

1. Never speak about the Incident. (It saved everyone a loud fight)  
2. Sirius was allowed on full moons only by Remus' invitation. (There were months when Remus knew the wolf would be too dangerous)  
3. Sirius was never allowed to complain when he wasn't invited. (Another fight that would be saved)  
4. No one was ever to find out what happened (This was understood by all of them, even Snape)  
5. Sirius was not allowed to pull any pranks on Snape. (James, however, could do as he pleased. Lately, he usually left the Slytherin alone)

It was entirely too ironic to Remus that the two people who had the deepest desires to rebel against the rules (one who often did, and one who held himself back) had imposed these on themselves.

The year came to an end as quietly as the rest of the days passed, and the four boys, and Lily, stood together on Platform 9 and ¾. Each were quiet amidst the reunions of students and their parents, their eyes down and hands in their pockets.

"Look, mates… my parents are just over there. We'll get together before term begins," James said, though the last bit sounded like a question to Remus. It must have to the others as well, because they all nodded and mumbled answers. If it occurred to anyone that Sirius was now living with James and should leave with him, it was left unsaid.

On a whim, James leaned forward and kissed Lily's cheek. By the time she had lifted her head to look at him, he was already walking off. She was blushing, but no one commented on it. "Yeah… my dad's probably waiting in the car for me," she said when her eyes finally came back to the other three. "You all have a good summer. Write to me."

"We will."

"You won't," She said with a little smile. "Well… Rem, I know you will." With that, she cut across the circle they were standing in and hugged him, standing on her toes to do so. Remus hugged her back as she said, "You take care. Things will be okay."

"You too, Lils," Remus said, smiling and pulling away.

Peter said his goodbyes and left as well, leaving Remus and Sirius alone on the platform… alone in the way that there were dozens of students moving around them, but neither noticed. Both were a little frightened of the summer holidays, each for his own reasons. The both agreed on one fear, however. School had forced them to start talking again. Now, they were going to be away from each other for a couple of months, and there was no close quarters forcing them to play nice. If they lost touch, things would probably be awkward by the time term started again, and they'd have to start from scratch again.

"Your parents are probably here," Sirius said quietly, smiling at Remus' nod. Neither moved. "Right, well. Have a good summer, yeah?"

Remus looked up. "Yeah, you too. You should write to Lily, too."

"Nah," Sirius shook his head. "She really only wants you and James to keep in touch. But if it keeps her off my back…"

Remus laughed once, quietly, and Sirius cherished the sound. He didn't now how long it would be until he heard it again. Both were scared of parting… a summer could change things.

Sirius had often told himself that one day he would just kiss Remus. A thousand thoughts were going through his mind, but the one that resounded the loudest was that if they didn't speak over the summer, if things were awkward when term started again, what did he have to lose?

_Everything_ was the whispered answer in his mind. _Everything_. But it didn't matter right now.

Sirius Black, famous for acting on impulse, leaned forward and pressed his lips to Remus' cheek. Small steps.

He pulled away, a smile on his lips like it was the most casual, common place thing he could have done. "Have a good summer, yeah?" He shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets, and pretending that he wasn't scrutinizing Remus' reaction.

The tawny haired boy only gave Sirius a strange look, but it was contemplative, like he was trying desperately to figure something out.

He did not say a word until Sirius was already walking away. "Have a good summer, Sirius."

Sirius waved over his shoulder, but did not turn. He couldn't turn to see Remus again, scared that his eyes would give away everything, and then where would they be? Buggered, for certain. James was waiting for him outside the station, where both Potters swooped down on him, telling him how happy they were to see him and that they hoped the year had gone well and so on, but it was all a rush… overwhelming for anyone, but Sirius wasn't even trying to take it all in.

"Well?" James asked quietly as they started to leave.

"Baby steps," Sirius answered. It was going to be a long summer indeed.


	14. Summer Holidays

It's been ages, I know. I know, shame on me. Thank you so much to all of you who have been so patient. School has been absolutely insane, but wonderful. Anyway, I recently moved closer (rather than two hours away) so I should have a little more free time. I hope that my Christmas gift to you all will be at least one more chapter, maybe two by New Years. Anyway, enjoy, all right? Reviews, as always, are cherished.

* * *

Sirius was in the Potters' garage, lovingly cleaning his motorbike, when James strolled in, a smirk of all things on his face.

Summer was only half way over, but Sirius wished it would simply end. He wanted to be back at Hogwarts, and even then, he would wish away the school year. He was ready to start his life, and he was prepared to do it without Remus.

"Post came."

Sirius' eyes lit up, and James displayed a letter in definitely feminine handwriting.

"From Lily."

Sirius almost growled at him, and went back to wiping down the bike. James, behind his back, rolled his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic, Pads. You got one, too."

"You can have my letter from Evans, if you like. Pretend she's sent you two."

"Your letter isn't from Lily."

At this, Sirius finally looked up, and James gave him a sincere smile as he handed over a letter. Sirius took it, inspected it. There was no return address, but the tight, neat handwriting was so obviously Remus' that Sirius had no doubt who had sent him the letter. "What is this?" He asked, pointing to the corner of the envelope.

"A stamp. He sent it muggle post for some reason."

Sirius nodded and wiped off his hands before he got anymore oil on the clean paper in his hands, and almost lovingly opened the envelope. James, once again, rolled his eyes. "Sometimes, Pads, you really disgust me."

"Sod off, Prongs."

James smiled, but quietly backed off a little, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched Sirius unfold the parchment.

Sirius was surprised that he had gotten the letter at all. He was terrified when he left the train station, and decided that it would be best if he waited for Remus to write to him. Two months later, he was regretting the decision, but was too stubborn to go back on it. Now, in his hands… proof that things would be all right.

* * *

Lily glanced to her left where Petunia was covered in suntan oil, except where her purple bathing suit covered her all too pale skin.

The Evans family always vacationed at the shore for the summer, and the girls spent their time either in the nearby town shopping, or as they were now, lounging on the beach. Since Lily's letter from Hogwarts came, they never did get along, and Christmas Holidays were the worst, but for whatever reason, they could spend summers in each other's silence, and not bicker too much.

"Can I help you?"

"Have you finished with that magazine?"

Petunia grabbed it and held it out towards Lily, all without opening her eyes, and huffing softly.

"Thank you," Lily murmured, flipping through the pages. After a few idle minutes, she closed it and turned to look at Petunia again.

"What?" She grumbled, her eyes still closed.

"How is school for you, Petunia?"

Her sister sighed and finally turned her head, and opened her eyes. Her piercing gaze held Lily's nurturing one for a full minute before she spoke.

"I thought we didn't do this."

Lily sat up. "You're my sister, Petunia, and I just wanted to know what you do when I'm gone all year long."

"I do normal things, Lily Evans. Mathematics, Science. Are we done now?"

Lily laid back, knowing anything else she said would just cause an argument, and she wasn't really in the mood to deal with that. She didn't bother to point out that she did those things too, just in a different context.

"Girls! Come inside for lunch!"

Both girls gathered their things in that silence they were growing so used to and made their way back to the little beach house they rented every year.

* * *

Two weeks later, Remus was sitting on the porch of his family's modest home, a book in his lap and the sun on his face.

"Remus, darling, you've got another letter from Lily."

Remus smiled warmly at his mother, taking the envelope with a slight nod. It was his fourth letter from Lily this summer. He kept up regular correspondence with her. He had sent James two letters, and only received a short, distracted response from one. He hadn't expected much more, of course. He had heard nothing from either Peter or Sirius. He had expected this as well.

Deciding that whatever anger or mistrust he still felt was pointless, Remus had finally given in. This was a month and a half ago, when Moony was the furthest thing from Remus' mind.

"Oh, look, and a letter from Sirius."

Remus' eyes shot up. "What?"

Sylvia Lupin smiled and handed him the letter, a glint of something in her eyes that said she knew more than she was letting on, even if Remus didn't yet know it. "The sun will be setting in half an hour, Remmie."

"I know," he murmured, turning the second envelope over his hands.

Sylvia hesitated, then sighed and said, "So you should head down there pretty soon."

Remus matched her sigh and nodded, putting both letters in his pocket and getting to his feet. "Dad will meet me down there, yes?"

Sylvia nodded and pulled her son close, kissing his forehead. "Be careful tonight."

"Always am, Mum."

When he was safely away from the world, and his father had gone out of the room of the hut they used when he was not at school, Remus took out the letters, opening Lily's and reading it through quickly.

He had only managed to open Sirius' before he felt the first painful tremors of the transformation take place.

The sunlight of the next morning found him huddled in the corner, curled into a ball, and Sirius' letter in shreds around the room.

While Remus had given in, Moony had not.


	15. Summer's End

**I know this is way shorter than normal, but it's where it had to break. Sorry! Still, I hope you enjoy, and they will be back at school for their seventh year when next I see you lot. Happy Christmas!**

* * *

Remus finally realized that his eyes were open, and the sun was filtering through the cracks in the boards on the windows. It was harsh to his eyes, a clue that the sun had just risen. It would be a few more minutes before his eyes adjusted.

It was a dirty strip of paper that he realized he was focused on, and his brows creased.

"Rem?" His father's voice called into the room.

"I'm here, Dad," he called back, groaning and pushing himself into a sitting position. _What is that…?_

"Oh no," he said out loud, and he crawled to the paper, wincing as he did so. "Oh no…" He tried to remember the night before, tried to remember if he'd actually read the letter. He didn't think he had. "Great," he murmured, just as his father came in and helped him to his feet.

"How bad was it?"

"I don't know," Remus said. "Not bad… I don't hurt too much right now."

"Good," John answered, helping his son to the house, mindful of any injuries he might have picked up during the night.

* * *

Sirius was shocked at the envelope in his hand. It had been maybe only a week since he had written to Remus, and he already had a reply. "So he either shot me down in flames, or he… he's right there with me."

"Well, you're never going to find out unless you open it."

"Why do I feel like a scared little school girl, Prongs?" Sirius asked, an anguished look in his eyes.

"Because you're acting like a scared little school girl?" James offered with a shrug, then nodded to the letter. "Open it. You're making _**me**_ anxious."

Sirius tore at the envelope, and started to read the letter out lout. "Dear Sirius, It was nice hearing from you, I hope everything is going well, blah blah blah. He writes like my grandmother."

"He writes very diplomatically," James countered, wondering why he bothered. Sirius wasn't listening to him, anyway. "What?" He asked suddenly when Sirius' face fell.

"He didn't read my letter."

"What?"

Sirius tossed Remus' letter on the table between them, not bothering to move it when it landed in the jam. James picked it up and set it to the side.

"Said Moony tore it apart, but that he imagined I didn't say much besides what you and I had been doing all summer, and how I did not want to come back to school. I'm actually offended."

"Be fair," James said. "That's usually what your letters say. How was he supposed to know that you admitted you loved him in this letter?"

"He's smart, Prongs. He's supposed to know these things!"

James just laughed, but he shook his head and raised his hands as if to apologize for the laughter. "Now you're being unreasonable. He wrote you back without even reading your letter, which means he likes you enough to talk to you, right? So write him back, tell him again."

"No!" Sirius said this so vehemently that James was startled, sitting back in his chair.

"Why?" He asked in a voice that was too calm to be normal for James. "You told him once… you can tell him again."

"Don't you see it, though? I'm not supposed to tell him."

"Why not?"

"It's a sign," Sirius said, putting overdramatic emphasis on the last word. "I wrote it all out for him, and it was destroyed before he could read it. I'm not supposed to tell him."

"And you'll write it out again, and he'll be careful not to read it during the full moon. Problem solved."

Sirius shook his head. "It's not that easy."

"Whatever, Sirius. You're going to have to tell him one day, anyway. Look, we've also got our Hogwarts letters."

Sirius took his and tossed it on top of Remus' discarded letter. He never read them anymore. It was the same thing, year after year.

"I've made Head Boy."

"What?" Sirius asked, gaining interest again, his eyes landing on the shiny badge in James' hand. "How?"

* * *

"Prefect again, Mum," Remus said, handing her the letter, and then the badge that came every year.

"Oh, Remus, I'm sorry, sweetheart."

The werewolf shrugged. "There were three other very capable boys, Mum. I'm not worried about it."

"I know. But I know how much you wanted it, too."

Remus refrained from rolling his eyes, and he smiled at his mother, kissing her on the cheek. "I'm not heartbroken over it, I promise."

He gave her another little smile and made his way upstairs. The arrival of the letter from Hogwarts was usually when he started to pack his things. He still had three weeks, but he took great care in packing, making sure he forgot nothing, unlike the other three marauders. Sirius and James packed last minute and often forgot quite a few things, and Peter's mum still packed his trunk for him.

"Another year to go, Athena," he said to his owl, handing her a biscuit he saved her for. "And then no more… Who do you think landed Head Boy, hm?" He fell silent as he folded a few items of clothes, finding himself just wishing that it wasn't Snape.


	16. So Tired I Can't Sleep

I'm sorry it's short. I really am. But I'm also very busy (I'm in pre-production on six short films right now, producing five of them and DPing one of this) and it's insane. I'll be on set for part of March, all of April, and part of May, so please don't expect a lot from me then, either.

Anyway, enjoy the chapter... I think it feels a little rushed, but let me know. Thanks, as always, for the gret reviews!

* * *

It was only when Remus reported to the last car on the Hogwarts Express for the Prefects meeting did he find out who had been made Head Boy.

No one had thought to tell him over what had been left of their summer, no one really knowing how to bring it up. Except, of course, Sirius, who would have known exactly how to tell his friend, but did not write to Remus again. They missed each other at the station as well, and now Sirius and Peter were sitting in a nearly empty compartment while James, Lily, and Remus were all at the meeting.

Sirius wanted to be there too. Not because he felt left out, which is what Remus would have accused him of, but because he wanted to be there to support Remus when he saw the Head Boy badge on James' robes. But no. Instead, he was sitting across from Peter, staring absently out the window.

He was vaguely aware of Peter going on about something, but he wasn't listening. It was like he was underwater, and everything was kind of slow and muffled and dreamlike, and he didn't want to surface. He didn't want things to be that sharp and distinct again yet.

"Hey, Sirius," Peter said, his foot connecting with Sirius' thigh. This earned him a dirty look. "Why're you holding your breath?" he asked.

"Was I?" Sirius murmured in return. It was strange, he supposed, but he shrugged towards Peter. "And don't ever kick me again."

"James kicks you."

"You're not James."

Well, that was a fair enough answer, Peter decided, and settled on not arguing the point.

Sirius went back to his mentally submerged state, and his thoughts drifted to Remus, as they often did. It was getting ridiculous, really.

Peter finally sighed, giving up, and got to his feet. "I'm going to find the trolley."

And Sirius was, as usual, left alone.

* * *

James' eyes met Remus', and both stood still. Lily looked between them, while Severus sat in the corner, sulking, and occasionally looking towards Lily.

"Have a seat, Rem," James said, and the spell was broken. Remus moved into the compartment fully, sitting in the last available seat, and James started speaking to everyone. Authority, Remus decided, did not look good on him.

There had to be a reason. Remus knew, or at least had suspected, that he would not be made Head Boy. No, after nearly killing Snape the year before, his chance had gone out the window. Even if he deserved it, they had been lucky enough to keep Snape quiet. He could only imagine the arguments about students being in danger with Remus being in charge.

But James? Yes, he had been heroic and saved both Snape and Remus from terrible fates. But he never studied. He caused trouble, and was proud of the chaos he created. He couldn't get out of school quickly enough, and of all people… Dumbledore had chosen him?

"Remus?" Lily whispered softly, bringing him back to the present as he realized his hands were fisted in his secondhand pockets, and he hadn't heard a word James had said. Then, it slowly dawned on him that the other prefects were gone, and the train had stopped moving. It was just him, Lily, and James.

"I'm really sorry, Rem."

Remus stood up. "We should get to the feast," he said. "We don't want to be late."

"Remus, wait-"

Remus was gone, and Lily sighed. "Let him go, James. The full moon is in a week or so… you know he's really not angry at all. It'll be all right."

Remus wasn't. Once he let it sink in, he would actually be happy for James. But he was jealous, and he knew his thoughts were terrible and uncalled for, but there it was. How was he supposed to react?

"Hey, Moony."

Remus looked up, a storm boiling in his eyes. They did not soften when they landed on Sirius.

"You're angry," he observed.

And the werewolf's eyes finally softened. "I'm just so tired, Sirius."

"Come on," Sirius said, falling into step next to Remus as they entered the castle.

* * *

It wasn't exactly like nothing had ever happened, but it was better. Things between Remus and Sirius were quiet and smooth. There were no more eggshells to walk around, the ice wasn't so thin anymore.

Remus even let go of James being Head Boy, despite James trying to talk to him about it almost constantly. Remus had just finally reached the point in his life where he couldn't find these things anymore. It wasn't worth it. There was a war looming, and who made Head Boy or some immature prank the year before just seemed trivial. And it took too much out of him.

So maybe it was because of James that Sirius made his first big step where Remus was concerned. With the boy less likely to push him away, Sirius had been able to spend more time with Remus.

"Lily, you can't encourage him. He's never-"

"Shh," she hissed at James as they came into the common room. Sirius looked up.

"He was really tired," Sirius whispered. "I don't know why he's been so tired lately."

"Pads, shut up," James said with a smile. Remus was asleep, his head resting on Sirius' thigh. It could have been a platonic, innocent thing.

Whatever it was, it was **_something_**.


	17. Everything Changes

I cannot even begin to apologize to you guys! My goodness. It was pointed out to me that my last update was in February… to be fair, I have been insanely busy with school, and I'm quite possibly heading to Europe to film a feature pretty soon… anyway, my life is insane. But I'm still in love with Remus and Sirius, and I miss all of you guys. So here it is, the next chapter in my slowly developing story, as promised months ago. I will begin replying to all of your reviews for chapter 16 tomorrow.

* * *

Sirius woke up one morning earlier than he would have liked, and sighed, blinking his eyes in the sun. He kept the curtains around his bed open at night, often so that he could hear the tell-tale signs of Remus having a nightmare. He used to be able to comfort Remus through them… now any attempt just got his head nearly bitten off. Still, he woke up everytime the wolf had a dream, and it did have the unpleasant side affect of allowing all the early morning light to accost him.

He shivered slightly and pulled the blankets up to his neck. He noticed how strange Peter's Christmas decorations looked with the sun shining on them that way. It was a cheap, tinsel look that seemed haphazard to Sirius, yet he remembered how much care and time Peter and spent putting them up, and then noticed that neither he nor Remus had bothered with decorations this year at all.

The crimson curtains on Remus' bed slid open, and the tired werewolf met Sirius' eyes almost accidentally, and Sirius' breath caught. Maybe it was the sun, or the full moon that always seemed close at hand, but those eyes were stunningly amber.

They broke eye contact at the same time when Peter let out a particularly loud snore.

Sirius yawned. "Do you think they're serving breakfast yet?" he asked, scratching his stomach. Remus just shrugged.

"We can find out."

Sirius nodded, laying back on his pillows and spreading his arms out to the side. "It's so cold in December."

"I saw your cousin yesterday."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius asked. "Which one? The Ice Queen, the Psychopathic Bitch, or Ande?"

Remus smiled, glancing back at him. "Andromeda."

"Ah," he said, drawing a blank at what to say next. He didn't need to ask how she was doing; he knew. They kept in touch. He didn't want to let the conversation die, either though, since talking to Remus always seemed like such a delicate thing.

"I used to have such a crush on her," Remus said, and Sirius heart sank.

"She looks so much like you."

Sirius' eyes shot up at this, wondering what exactly Remus had meant when he said that, but the boy was already walking towards the bathroom. When he heard the cabinet open, he ventured in as well, taking out his toothbrush, and stealing some of Remus' toothpaste as he sat on top of the toilet. They brushed their teeth in silence, Remus standing over the sink and Sirius next to him.

"You're not terribly taller than Peter," Sirius observed after a while, and Remus quirked an eyebrow at him. "I never realized, because you don't slouch as much."

Remus said nothing, rinsing out his mouth and putting his toothbrush away. He turned to walk towards the dorms again.

Sirius swallowed whatever toothpaste was in his mouth and threw the brush in the sink, catching up to Remus and grabbing his arm, turning the boy to face him and with absolutely no hesitation, or thoughts of the consequences, he crushed their lips together.

Inevitably, he thought, Remus would pull away, disgusted, and they'd never speak again because the last half of seventh term would never be enough time to make up for this stupid move, and they'd have no reason to see each other after school, and-

And then Remus' tongue was in his mouth, and he forgot how to kiss for a second. It tasted of strong cinnamon and something distinctly Remus that Sirius would never be able to put a name to. His hand fisted in Remus' worn out t-shirt, and he pulled the boy closer in a purely possessive way that he could feel Moony balk at.

But it didn't matter because Remus' hands were getting tangled his hair, and they were both grasping at each other, and Sirius remembered how to kiss again and it became a battle of tongues for dominance. They were both frenzied- young, teenage boys who had too much pent up tension between them.

Peter snorted and rolled over, causing the boys to jump apart. Lips were swollen, cheeks flushed, and Sirius' breath caught in his throat for a second time when Remus stared intently at him. Liquid amber met stormy grey before Peter snorted again, waking himself up for the moment. Remus turned to go back into the room, and James burst in.

"Last day before I go home for the holidays, mates. Lily, by some grace of Merlin, is spending tonight with me, so all you lads get is today!"

* * *

If things were going to get awkward, now was a good time, Sirius reasoned. It was the holidays, and there was hardly anyone else around to keep him occupied, away from Remus.

"Look," he said, causing the werewolf to glance up from his book. "I think we need to talk ab-"

"Happy Christmas," Remus said, cutting him off.

"What?"

"It's past midnight now. It's Christmas."

Sirius gave him a contemplative look. "I kissed you."

"Yes, you did."

Well, at least he was admitting it. "And you didn't move away."

"No, I didn't."

He was getting bolder. "You kissed me back."

"Yes, I did."

There was utter silence for a few moments, though Sirius would swear Remus was smiling. This was hardly amusing. Everything from that kiss up to this point in the conversation had made him bold enough, and at this point, what was there to lose?

"I want it to happen again."

"So do I."


End file.
